Romance is such a subjective topic. Its unfortunate that we as women are built up our entire lives to expect what is in the movies, books, commercials, TV, etc. The truth is, most of us probably never really experience the type of romance we set ourselves up for, but I believe we have to realize what romance is to us individually. As we mature our romancing needs do not change, but rather become more mature.
When I was a teenager the romance I needed and expected was different in many ways than it is now. I dare say that if my idea of romance had not changed, I wouldn’t be married. I was fortunate enough to have a father who romanced my mother – bought her cards, flowers, just called to say “I Love You” – and a boyfriend for over three years that took the time to romance me in my immature romancing days. It’s simple when it’s new and difficult when its mature. Then you could just write a one-page letter explaining your love or a “unprovoked” card and I was happy.
Now, my expectations are more mature. I think there is part of me that longs for the younger days and the lengthy romancing, but I am realistic in knowing that it isn’t always possible to be like a movie, a book, or a commercial. I would love to have more romance in my life, but I have accepted that at this very point in my life I need to accept that realistic expectations will make me happier than worrying about unrealistic romancing. I need more and less romancing all at the same time. It’s a simple thank you instead of a one-page letter. A kiss on the cheek versus a “one hour romance fest.” I require no less romancing than I did, but more mature and sincere romancing. Being realistic about romance makes the times that are more out of the ordinary even more magical. Life is not a movie, a book, etc. – it is real with real problems, duties, responsibilities, and expectations.
So - enjoy being romanced, but understand that your expectations in it are changing as you change. Think about this scenario: For years I was upset when my husband would not even seem to care or ask how my day had been. I took it offensively that he didn't care about me because he didn't ask. Then I was challenged to think of how I pray to God. In other words, instead of giving God the morning, afternoon, and evening news of my life - I should trust Him enough to recognize that He already knows these things. I don't need to tell Him who is sick, who is need of prayer, or even the burdens of my heart. He knows them all already! That spoke to me. I realized that if I should trust God not to want to give Him the rundown - I should trust my husband the same way. Then I thought, when I ask my husband how his day was - I care about how he feels not the rundown of the days events because I trust him to get up, get dressed, eat, go the work, eat lunch, go to work again, etc. etc. etc. You see the point?
Romance is about trusting someone enough to be innocently vulnerable, fiercely passionate, intimately in love, and having complete trust for them. When you truly submit yourself to someone this is how you feel and the romance exist without flowers, cards, touch, or anything; the romance is within us and comes out in everything. When the romance dwells within us the expectations of romance, love, and intimacy are able to fall away and we are accepting the person just the way they are and we want to romance them anyway. What a romancing thought, huh?
When I was a teenager the romance I needed and expected was different in many ways than it is now. I dare say that if my idea of romance had not changed, I wouldn’t be married. I was fortunate enough to have a father who romanced my mother – bought her cards, flowers, just called to say “I Love You” – and a boyfriend for over three years that took the time to romance me in my immature romancing days. It’s simple when it’s new and difficult when its mature. Then you could just write a one-page letter explaining your love or a “unprovoked” card and I was happy.
Now, my expectations are more mature. I think there is part of me that longs for the younger days and the lengthy romancing, but I am realistic in knowing that it isn’t always possible to be like a movie, a book, or a commercial. I would love to have more romance in my life, but I have accepted that at this very point in my life I need to accept that realistic expectations will make me happier than worrying about unrealistic romancing. I need more and less romancing all at the same time. It’s a simple thank you instead of a one-page letter. A kiss on the cheek versus a “one hour romance fest.” I require no less romancing than I did, but more mature and sincere romancing. Being realistic about romance makes the times that are more out of the ordinary even more magical. Life is not a movie, a book, etc. – it is real with real problems, duties, responsibilities, and expectations.
So - enjoy being romanced, but understand that your expectations in it are changing as you change. Think about this scenario: For years I was upset when my husband would not even seem to care or ask how my day had been. I took it offensively that he didn't care about me because he didn't ask. Then I was challenged to think of how I pray to God. In other words, instead of giving God the morning, afternoon, and evening news of my life - I should trust Him enough to recognize that He already knows these things. I don't need to tell Him who is sick, who is need of prayer, or even the burdens of my heart. He knows them all already! That spoke to me. I realized that if I should trust God not to want to give Him the rundown - I should trust my husband the same way. Then I thought, when I ask my husband how his day was - I care about how he feels not the rundown of the days events because I trust him to get up, get dressed, eat, go the work, eat lunch, go to work again, etc. etc. etc. You see the point?
Romance is about trusting someone enough to be innocently vulnerable, fiercely passionate, intimately in love, and having complete trust for them. When you truly submit yourself to someone this is how you feel and the romance exist without flowers, cards, touch, or anything; the romance is within us and comes out in everything. When the romance dwells within us the expectations of romance, love, and intimacy are able to fall away and we are accepting the person just the way they are and we want to romance them anyway. What a romancing thought, huh?
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