Heavenly Wipe Out

Can you imagine what Heaven will be like?  John does an incredible job in Revelations to give detailed description, but at the same time - can we really imagine it?  Take a moment to just sit on that.  Close your eyes and visualize what you think heaven will be.  Who is there? What do you see? What do the Father and Son look like? How about the angels? Just stop there for a second.  Is it as grand as you imagined? I bet it's even better.

Now, let me ask a simple question - have you ever had a child or have you witnessed the miracle of birth?  If not, you may not appreciate the analogy that I'm about to present, but you probably will later on.

Ladies, do you remember the pain? You prepared for it and were most likely lucky enough to have an epidural.  I have spoken to many a mother in my day and not one of the ladies leaves the impression that birth was terribly disappointing.  In fact, most of them were crazy enough to do it again.  Now, for a moment men - you were there.  What you witnessed was incredibly enduring, but do you ever remember thinking it was not totally worth it?  No - it was completely awing.  The moment you lay eyes on that child - all the pain, enduring, morning sickness, etc. is just magically wiped out.

Now, let's just say that for some reason God would have created us to go through birth without a baby - I mean the whole thing - would you then decide to ever have a child? I doubt it.  Why? Well, it's simple.  You would already know the sickness, pain, and obstacles you would face for what? It would seem that if we are taught that pregnancy is presented to us as a gift in vain - we would never want to take part in that gift receiving process again, but lucky for us - God did not create us this way.  So, getting pregnant and becoming a parent is all about faith.

Heaven is the same way.  Our lives can be sickening, painful, and some of the obstacles we will face will nearly make us beg for death and yet the moment we receive the gift of Heaven, the life we led and "suffered" through is wiped out much the same as the tears, pain, sickness, and labor of birth is wiped out when you lay eyes on your child.  We have to know that God's rewarding gift to us will be far beyond anything that we could have ever imagined.  Heaven, just like that baby, will wipe out all the past.  Heaven will not be able to be explained and the overwhelming gratefulness we feel will be indescribable; in fact, I'm betting there are no words in our vocabulary to describe it at all.

So, here's my final thought.  Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior?  That feeling you felt when you saw your child is pale in comparison to the type of joy and emotion you will feel when you get to Heaven.  Will you let Jesus wipe out your sins here on Earth so that Heaven can wipe out the pain of this life?  If you're not ready to take that step - let me offer you this one last tidbit.  Just as all the pain, sickness, enduring labor, and obstacles were literally wiped out with one look at your child remember that there is nothing in this world that offer you that type of eternal feeling other than faith in Jesus and Heaven.  The journey may be long and filled with tears, but obedience to follow in faith is not a road filled with luxury and comfort; the destination at the end of the journey is.  So, why not go ahead and give it your best shot and be wiped out?

Oversimplified

Yesterday, I had a rare opportunity to minister to someone.  I have always found myself - even though a bit talkative, to say the least - scared to share a testimony with someone.  I suppose my spiritual immaturity, lack of faith in myself, and fear of ridicule caused me to feel inferior.  I find it easy to share my love for God to those who know God already or perhaps even family who may not have a very personal relationship with God because they are family and have to love to me.  It's amazing how one little fish symbol and spill into a magical conversation with someone.

Ichthus

It all started with a fish - you see the company for which we were discussing had a fish symbol (otherwise – ichthys = {among other Christian meanings} Fishers of Men) on its home page.  Now, for many of you this might not mean much, but it raised all sorts of questions for the person I was speaking with.  I then decided to jump out on a limb and ask why.  For someone who has been around church all my life, I don't believe I have even an ounce of understanding as to how someone who is new to faith in Christ feels.  This person shared some things with me and my reply was simply this - you cannot allow yourself to get caught up in all the fallacies or "truths" that are out there.  God's love for us is simple - John 3:16 is all you need to believe - the rest is fluff.  Now, let me stop right there and explain something to you - maybe my conviction of love oversimplified the response I gave, but the truth is - John 3:16 is all we need for salvation.  You see if we believe that God sent His one and only son to die for our sin and that if we believe in Him we'll live forever, then we don't need to worry about all the little details out there about differences in faith, what Jesus "was" or "was not", etc. etc. etc.  If we believe in the love that it took for one man to give His son and one man's love for us to die for us - what other details really matter?

Even a comment was made about Jesus possibly having a family and children - now as I said - there is no where in the Bible that speaks of any of this, but if it were true does that matter - He still chose to die for you.  Oversimplification? Yes, in ways, but for someone who sees all the "stuff" that is out there - it has to be simple.  If you get into some deep theological conversation giving 100 reasons why the Bible is right and there is no other way - the whole message of God's love gets lost.  If someone sees, understands, and accepts the sacrifice one man made for them - they will be interested in learning more.  It's like walking into a classroom for the first time - let's say Biological Engineering -  and being given cliff notes the first day with a test at the end of the week.  Could you imagine how that would make you feel? A little overwhelmed perhaps? Absolutely!

A person has a choice, a rather simple, but life-changing choice to make and it has to be out of understanding of love.  Bombarding them with 101 ways to be a Christian is overwhelming.  Are you wondering where the conversation led? Well, let's just say that by keeping it simple it made sense to them.  It ended up that the conversation lasted over an hour and me telling them that I will pray for them and to remember God's love is simple.  The more love you are shown, the more love you are willing to give.  Is there any greater love than the love it took God to watch His only son die?  Is there any greater love than the love it took for Jesus to willingly die on a cross for you?  No - absolutely not.  There is no greater love ever known to man than the love of God.  Lucky for us - it's oversimplified.

A Jester & A Joke

Today is April 1st, otherwise known as April Fool's Day.  I've never been much of a joker, but I've been around a few in my day.  I'm the one who takes things far too seriously and for the most part is incapable of pulling off a prank because of my facial expressions.  I think about the people I know that are good pranksters and why.  It dawned on me an overwhelming thought - it is not about the prank, but rather the seriousness of conviction in pulling a prank.  I then begin to think about the mirror I look into everyday - what do I see, but more importantly, what is it that God sees?

Does He see a serious hypocrite or someone seriously devoted to His will?  Am I pulling a prank on God?  WOW!  That is no laughing matter at all.  I do not want to show up in heaven to look in the mirror and see a jester.   Can you imagine how appalling that would be.  It becomes convicting to know that no matter what you put on outwardly, no prank is played on God, but don't we try? Of course!  We think that somehow He cannot possibly understand us, our hearts, or intentions and like magic - we're able to pull the rabbit out of the hat or escape certain death without God knowing the source of the trick.

So, today remember that no prank is ever going to get by God.  No matter what kind of face you put on - no matter what kind of serious conviction you have - nothing will prank God.  What a horrible prank we pull on Him, every time we live without obedience, conviction, and love.  God's love is no joke and our obedience, love, submission, and devotion to Him should never be either.  Don't be a jester in the eyes of God.

A Voice That Wears Many Hats

I have decided that after years of a sabbatical, if you will, I am going to resume writing.  It is unbelievable to me that things that God gives me the words for and I feel honored and blessed.  I just wanted to share with you all what a true peace I have at this moment for accepting His will about it.

Have you ever thought about your voice? Your dialect? Your slang? Your accent? Your persona, as it were, with speech?  It's really amazing.  Some people are gifted with an ear for tracing the heritage of accents.  Just by listening to someone speak you are able to hear compassion, love, anger, frustration, and tenderness.  At the same time, those very emotions are what define our impact on others.  The emotion with the words is astonishingly unique.

Your voice has a fingerprint; there may be someone who has a voice similar to you, but the truth is - with all the words, slang, pronunciations, accents, etc. - your voice develops a persona of its own.  Is that not amazing?  Think about that for just a moment...

Have you ever been a room full of people and the only way you feel like you can hear yourself is the "close" your ear and hear yourself?  Is it comforting?  I wonder - if we spent as much time listening for God's voice as our own - what would we hear?

Our words are weapons and at the same time - is it not strange how it is exactly the same thing that has the power to destroy someone it also has the capacity to uplift them and make them feel things they've never felt before that are completely positive.  Sharing positive words without a compassionate, loving, tender, or inspiring voice nearly takes away the emotion.  This is exactly one of the reasons I feel our nation is so out of control.  We text, email, private message, etc. without ever having spoke to someone.

Do you really realize the power of your voice?  Is it not the voice of a mother that calms a baby?  The voice of a lover that melts your heart? The voice of father that demands respect?  Me simply typing I love you means nothing without emotion.  I have all kinds of text slang, jargon, and emoticons to help "make a point," but does it really?

There is nothing like your voice.  Nothing!  Do not let a day go by without sharing it with someone you love or a complete stranger.  That voice may be the only one they hear, the only one that is not yelling at them - beating them down completely, the only one that matters.

So, I ask you to take time to just listen to your voice just like a baby will sit and coo to hear itself.  Listen to your voice and be empowered knowing that there is no other person on this earth who can make the impact with your voice that you can, but  listen for God's voice and take comfort in it; know that He recognizes your voice through what we might imagine as a muffled noise amongst the many.

Most importantly, ask God to help you to be a voice that speaks His love, comforts His children, and touches the hearts of all you come in contact with.  You may feel as if you have a voice that wears too many hats, but your voice matters because it was designed to be yours and no one else.

Just for Women: A Romancing Thought

Romance is such a subjective topic. Its unfortunate that we as women are built up our entire lives to expect what is in the movies, books, commercials, TV, etc. The truth is, most of us probably never really experience the type of romance we set ourselves up for, but I believe we have to realize what romance is to us individually. As we mature our romancing needs do not change, but rather become more mature.

When I was a teenager the romance I needed and expected was different in many ways than it is now. I dare say that if my idea of romance had not changed, I wouldn’t be married. I was fortunate enough to have a father who romanced my mother – bought her cards, flowers, just called to say “I Love You” – and a boyfriend for over three years that took the time to romance me in my immature romancing days. It’s simple when it’s new and difficult when its mature. Then you could just write a one-page letter explaining your love or a “unprovoked” card and I was happy.

Now, my expectations are more mature. I think there is part of me that longs for the younger days and the lengthy romancing, but I am realistic in knowing that it isn’t always possible to be like a movie, a book, or a commercial. I would love to have more romance in my life, but I have accepted that at this very point in my life I need to accept that realistic expectations will make me happier than worrying about unrealistic romancing. I need more and less romancing all at the same time. It’s a simple thank you instead of a one-page letter. A kiss on the cheek versus a “one hour romance fest.”  I require no less romancing than I did, but more mature and sincere romancing. Being realistic about romance makes the times that are more out of the ordinary even more magical. Life is not a movie, a book, etc. – it is real with real problems, duties, responsibilities, and expectations.

So - enjoy being romanced, but understand that your expectations in it are changing as you change.  Think about this scenario:  For years I was upset when my husband would not even seem to care or ask how my day had been.  I took it offensively that  he didn't care about me because he didn't ask.  Then I was challenged to think of how I pray to God.  In other words, instead of giving God the morning, afternoon, and evening news of my life - I should trust Him enough to recognize that He already knows these things.  I don't need to tell Him who is sick, who is need of prayer, or even the burdens of my heart.  He knows them all already!  That spoke to me.  I realized that if I should trust God not to want to give Him the rundown -  I should trust my husband the same way.  Then I thought, when I ask my husband how his day was - I care about how he feels not the rundown of the days events because I trust him to get up, get dressed, eat, go the work, eat lunch, go to work again, etc. etc. etc.  You see the point?

Romance is about trusting someone enough to be innocently vulnerable, fiercely passionate, intimately in love, and having complete trust for them.  When you truly submit yourself to someone this is how you feel and the romance exist without flowers, cards, touch, or anything; the romance is within us and comes out in everything.  When the romance dwells within us the expectations of romance, love, and intimacy are able to fall away and we are accepting the person just the way they are and we want to romance them anyway. What a romancing thought, huh?

A Challenge & A Prayer

I have been reading several books lately - going to book study, an online book/bible study, and Bible study on Wednesday nights, (book study) in Sunday school, and reading on my own.  What I can tell you is that have become convicted about SO many things.  Prayer, love, being a woman, but more importantly the challenge that God gives to us all to go and make disciples.  I then begin to ask myself...who am I?  I am not worthy of being a disciple.  What can I offer? I am just one person in a huge plan - God's plan.  Why me? I am no one, but an absolutely relentless sinner.  I am inferior to all "those" who are what I see as righteous.  Then it dawned on me - I am inferior.  I am a relentless sinner.  I am just one person in a huge plan.  I am not worthy of being a disciple.  The only thing I am afforded in this life is hell.  Have you thought about that? Nothing in this life is certain, but hell is.  For years we work to pursue a life worthy of deeming us worthy of heaven.  Everyday we work towards "being good and heaven worthy" and yet we are still sinful, profane, unworthy, shameful, and completely naked to God...

I, for one, am appalled to think that all the attempts I make on a daily basis to be good enough are never going to make me good enough.  You see, we will never be heaven worthy instead we are given a choice to accept a gift of heaven.  Does that change what you think?  It did for me.  It changed EVERYTHING.  I am a blip.  I will always be unworthy and God knew this even before He formed me in my mothers’ womb.  He knew I would never be worthy, but He loved me enough to offer me a choice - live for Jesus or don't. It's simple - believe Jesus died for me to save me from hell.  That is the hardest gift I have ever accepted.  Why? Because I know I will never be worthy of receiving, but I have to accept it otherwise His gift through death is nothing.

Where is my journey then?  Where do I fit into His plan?  I mean - really!  Think about it.  My 100 years max on this Earth are NOTHING in the grand scheme of this His eternal plan. So again - where do I fit into His plan?  Well, it started before I was even conceived.  He knew the disciple I could become. He knew every burden He would have to pull me through before I would willingly submit my heart to Him.  He knew all of that.  I ask you this - if you knew every heartache, joy, burden, disappointment, and tear you would shed would share when you met a "friend" would you give your heart to them?  Would you befriend them anyway?  No! Of course not! If you knew the disappointments, the tears, and burdens you would endure because of them you would avoid them at all costs.  We as humans would never willingly submit ourselves to someone who would crush our pride, destroy our faith, crush our heart, and cause disappointments, tears, burdens for us, but you know what - God did! He knew every little thing that we would do and yet He still offers eternal life to us through His son Jesus Christ.

My journey will be short to Him, but long for His plans and me will always trump mine.  Why would I think that I am worthy of anything? The truth is, I don't and that is exactly what keeps me from becoming the disciple He sees in me.  I have to accept the gift and know that God - the one who knows everything about me - still took the time to eloquently form me, wrap me in my mother's womb, and present me to His world.  He knew my potential.  He knew the imperfections.  He knew my failures even before He wrapped me up with more care than any of us can ever imagine.  He considers me a beautiful gift and on top of all those wonderful things - He still presents me with a gift that was paid for with tears, blood, and death, but the moment He showed the world that He could overcome death – I became free.

Does that humble you? It does me.  In the 100 years max I will be on this Earth I will never make myself worthy of heaven.  I cannot make myself anything because I can make nothing.  It is only through Our Master and Creator that anything can be made.  Remember, He eloquently formed each part of me just the way He wanted me.  He formed me and equipped me with everything I will need to be His disciple.  Wow! Imagine that.  He already equipped me and formed me to be the disciple He wanted.  So, why wouldn't I want to share the gifts He gave me.  I was worthy enough for Him to create me, mold me, and make me the disciple He knows His world needs.  And you know what?  I am not alone.  You were formed exactly the same way - through His mercy, His plan, His skill, and His love.  What are you going to do about it?  Accept it and become the disciple He sees in you or decline the most precious gift God uniquely formed - YOU.

If your uniqueness is not humbling enough for you - think about this.  God knew what the world needed.  He knew we would have to be afforded the opportunity to be saved.  He then created a man - so perfectly created and formed just like you and me- and commanded Him to His death for whom? You!  Do you know what Jesus did with this unimaginable anguish and burden?  He prayed face down and sweat blood.  Can you imagine? I cannot.  No matter the horrid things I have been through in my lifetime, nothing by comparison has ever made me feel that much grief and anguish.  So - if you think - Jesus doesn't understand. Think again!  We can't even begin to understand by comparison.  God loved His Son, but He loved us too.  He knew that without the death of His one and only Son we could never have eternal salvation.  The moment Jesus died on the cross - sin was defeated.  If there were no death - there would be no sin.

God HAD to send us a Savior because He loved us that much.  I don't know about you, but I don't believe I could create someone out of love and then watch them die just because someone else needed saving.  In our world that would be like making a decision to be a heart donor to save someone just because you don't need your heart.  Right?!?! You don't need your heart! WOW! We have NO CLUE what God felt, the sacrifice He made, the strength it took to witness it, and the love He showed to us by allowing it.  We're all clueless in our endeavor to conquer all of life's obstacles on our own.  You see - even Jesus - the Son of Man, King of Kings, Lord of Lords needed God.  He needed His father or He could not have died on the cross for you and me. So, what would make us think that we will ever become what God created us to be without Him?

The obstacles that are placed in front of us are there because God allowed them The sorrows and tears we cry are because He allowed them The joys, the triumphs, and happiness - the terror & fear - the mistakes, the mess ups make ...us human because God made us this way. He sent His one and only Son to die for us not because He had to prove something, but because He has crazy love for us. We are afforded hell not heaven. It is because of Jesus that we are given eternal life, but in that - we cannot pretend to be perfect because we will never be that and to pretend that the very things God allowed us to go through were not intended and share them is obscene. If God allowed it to be written into your book of life then we should share it. This is what “we” - sinful, profane, disgusting, unworthy, shameful, and completely naked - are called to do.  So - my challenge to you is to accept the gift that has already been paid for.  Accept and begin your journey to becoming the disciple He sees in you and created you to be.

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"Living, He loved me.  Dying, He saved me.  Buried, He carried my sins far away.  Rising, He justified freely forever.  One day He’s coming.  Oh glorious day!" Casting Crowns: Oh Glorious Day

"What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? Since he did not spare even his own Son, but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else?" Romans 8:31-32

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♥ Dear Heavenly Father, I know you know the burdens on my heart. You know the worries, anxieties, joys, and anguish I bear. I come to You humbly, honest, and sincere asking you to unleash the full-force of Your creative power and genius in my life. I give you thanks for all the blessings You have so freely given and most importantly for sending your son Jesus Christ to die for my sins. Feel me with the power to defeat temptations and help me to remember to praise You even in the storms. Thank You for each obstacle You have placed in front of me. Thank You for the security in the cross, the comfort of the Holy Spirit, and forgiving me of my many sins and failures as Your child. Help me to be obedient to Your commands, patient to Your will, and mindful of Your love always. Help me to recognize the full-force of Your creative power and genius in my life so that I may grow spiritually and become the disciple You see in me. Amen. ♥

The Making of Catherine

Born Chassidy Dawn - December 27, 1979 - I was only about a year old when I was placed in the care of a foster family.  It is my understanding that it was because of multiple types of abuse and malnutrition.  It was even told to me that it was a practical joke that Department of Social Services (DSS) was called in the first place.  I do not remember any of this so I do not pretend that this information is absolutely correct.  I have the stories on each side of the fence on this one and to keep myself from "going crazy" I had to accept that only God knows the truth.  I lived through it with His grace and that is all that truly matters.

A report of abuse had been called in anonymously to DSS and upon their own investigation they decided to remove me from the home.  My biological father and mother were asked to bring me to the local hospital and leave me in the care of a DSS social worker and a pediatrician.  The part that seemed to shock me the most when hearing this story is that fact that when my parents left, according to the social worker, I did not cry for them.  I merely sat in the playpen and watched them leave. 

Department of Social Services placed me in the care of a couple who served as foster parents to several other children - some older and some younger.  The foster mother was a registered nurse and it was felt by DSS that I needed that type of care.  Foster parents shared the information that the social worker shared with them when I was left in their care.  
 
It was never understood that I would be adopted, merely they were fostering me until I could return to my home, where I had an older brother and a younger sister who had not been born yet.  Before you think it, no other child was ever removed from the home - another situation that I have to let God have.  My biological parents worked very hard to do what DSS had asked of them - attending several classes and counseling.  Each obstacle that DSS put in front of them they tried to handle to grace and perseverance; however, it was soon understood that no matter what DSS asked of them, they would not have their baby girl returned to them.  During this entire process, my sister was born; however, I lived my life assuming that I had never seen my sister, did not remember anything of my birth family, nor my older brother, and it was just all in my subconscious.  

I do not remember anything of my life history before I was around seven years old.  Everything that I am sharing with you is what I have gathered and put together myself, but I believe that within all the information shared to me - the truth lies within.  I share what I have either read in files or what someone has verbally shared. 


The pediatrician wrote in my files that I suffered from malnutrition, sexual assault, neglect, multiple old & new fractures, and other abuses.  There were marks on my head that the pediatrician felt came from someone putting a cigarette out on my head.  I did not crawl until I was roughly 2 years old because my entire left side had been fractured and to this day my left arm is not straight.  I was also dramatically underweight and my foster mother told me I looked like a child from Africa.  I cannot even imagine this and am very thankful I do not remember it.

My biological parents gave up their parental rights and left the file open with the hopes I would find them one day.  I was later adopted by my foster parents around eighteen months old or so.  I do not have an exact date and my name became Catherine Renee.  My foster parents had full knowledge that I would/should be returning to my home and even sent pictures to my biological family with progress and milestones met.  This entire situation from start to "finish" while disturbing is very confusing to me.  I have my own children and cannot even imagine the feelings that my biological father and mother felt, nor what assumptions were made by DSS, the DSS social worker, pediatrician, or foster family, but I have to accept that God allowed them all because He saw what everyone else could not.


I will continue with the story a month or so from now. Thank you for your reading, sharing, and support. God Bless!